Grief

The lecture on grief, depression and suicide was difficult for a lot of people in class, including myself. I imagine it was because we have all encountered these on some level throughout our lives, and it's difficult to return to the feelings and memories.  Today's blog will focus on grief in particular, as I have experienced this myself on a greater level than the other two topics. I was fortunate enough not to lose any close members of my family or friends during elementary or high school, however I know many, many classmates who did.  It's a horrible thing at any stage, but in my opinion, the instability of youth makes them one of the most vulnerable demographics to deal with these life occurrences.

Unfortunately, it's a well-known fact that grief is a part of our lives. It's not something we'd ever wish for; it's not something that's easy; and it's not something that can be dealt with and then simply forgotten.

Grief affects us all at some point or another, and we're rarely ready for it. That's why I think grief is so important to be prepared for as teachers. So often, death, loss, or other events occur outside of school which strongly affects a student.  However, because these incidents often happen outside of the classroom, it's important to be aware of the signs of these things so to be able to help our students get through the mournful period. 

It's difficult to always know what's going on at home or in the social lives of your students, so that's why it's important to take steps to understand them.  For example, I think it's a good idea to stay up-to-date with events in the community that could affect our students (by reading the newspaper, listening to the radio, etc), as well as international or cultural events that could be affecting students' families and loved ones (ie military events, wars, etc). Being informed of these events and being sensitive to the possibility of the impact on students helps teachers to be more empathetic towards our students' lives outside of the classroom walls.

Speaking of walls, I really liked the analogy that we went over in class about "breaking down the wall" that students dealing with grief, depression or suicide often put up. I truly believe that there's no such thing as a bad kid. I think that sometimes things happen that make us act a certain way, or react badly to situations.  So when a student is acting in a certain way, there's often an anterior motive.  The tough part about identifying students who are grieving is that a lot of the signals can be seen as other things. For example, loss of interest in activities, refusal to attend school and fear of being alone are all signals that could be misunderstood as simply being bored, unmotivated, or even rebellious.  Since recognition is the first step to helping a student, it's important for teachers to note these differences in behaviour and define what kind of "wall" they're dealing with.  Although not always identified, studies have shown that grief is prevalent in many, perhaps even all, of our classes.  It can occur as a response to a number of different things including death, divorce of their parents, loss of a friend, separation from a boyfriend/girlfriend, the student or a close relative/friend moving to a new city, or any other form of loss or void in his or her life.

I know that I'm on the path to teaching high school, so the differences between the way students grieve and the way adults grieve might not be as different as we were discussing  in class; however, I do think that there still are differences. While a child might say  “I want to be with _____” instead of saying “I’m sad”; a teenager might react to those same feelings in a very different way such as withdrawl or rebellion; and an adult in yet another way. It's important to keep in mind that grieving is necessary to deal with loss, and sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there for the student and listen.  I remember when I lost my grandfather a few years ago, friends were offering their condolences, and I accepted them. But sometimes I just wanted to talk about it, and just have someone there with me even if I wasn't talking. I think that relating to our students like this in their time of need is important to understanding what they're going through, even if it wasn't the exact same situation.

Grief, depression, and suicide are all VERY serious issues that need to be reported as soon as they are expected in students. There is a team of specialists in every school that can work with students dealing with these issues to help them get through it and provide them with resources to be successful.  I just think that too often these specialists, student counselors and support staff are seen as people responsible for taking care of these individuals. But these staff members don't see the students in the same way that a teacher would. We have the benefit of seeing each of our students every day, and being able to gauge a change in character, if we are alert enough to notice it.   Thus, I believe that connecting to our students and being able to notice these changes is a huge responsibility of the teacher, as recognition is the first step to identification and help.

Finally, I'd also like to raise the point that teachers also need to be aware of grief among their colleagues. Grief knows no age limit and so by being aware of the signals given by others in our every day lives, we are able to help those around us, whether they be colleagues, students, peers, family members, or community members. 

Teaching is a profession full of transferable skills, of which I believe sympathy, compassion and the ability to recognize behavioural changes are some of the most important.